Lessons I learned as a Mom!

Those of you who have been with me during my earlier day of motherhood will recognize this one. This was the first blog on my previous site written in 2019. I decided to keep this one here since it had a special place and was writing during one of the toughest phases as a mother.

‘How is mom's life?’, is a dreaded question, I have always hesitated in answering. Sometimes I say the usual, ‘It’s great and I love it.’ But in all honesty between you and me, it is not always that way. I’ve had my share of days when it has gotten overwhelming. Entering the mom world was new territory for me but I survived! (Cheers to that! )And along the way, I have grown in so many ways as a person (Size just being one of them). Over the last couple of years, I’ve had the cutest and most adorable tiny humans who have taught me some of the biggest lessons I missed out on.

Patience

The initial months call for you to pull an all-nighter, nothing remotely close to the ones you spend during your college days but the ones you spend waking up every two hours to feed and pacify your babies. You have to do it. If it is your first baby, you are learning on the go. Everything is as new to you as it is to the baby. And most of us during our pregnancy look forward to the new cuddly little ones who are going to soon be a part of our lives but we are completely ignorant of the reality that lies ahead and none of us are prepared. There are days you will break down, but you have to do it. There will be days when the kids decide to cry and you can’t get your head around why…they have been fed, changed, and slept but you still don’t understand why…All you can do to get through it is to maintain your calm and have patience. It is tough, I know. Being a mom of twins, trust me, I know. It is easy to lose your calm at that moment but if we just remind ourselves that it is all very new and overwhelming for the baby much more than it is to you. All they know is life within your belly, give them time, give them your love, and be there to calm them down during it all. You can control your emotions but the little child doesn’t know what emotions are or the difference between crying and laughing.

Patience is the key. Just do what you have to and within a few months, you will be able to distinguish their cries and be a master in babble. And it does get better, I promise.

Planning and Organizing.

Schedules have been a lifesaver! If I didn’t have a schedule for Ethan and Mia I would have lost it. Imagine two babies waking up at different times when one wants to eat one would want to sleep or need a diaper change. I’d probably qualify to be a zombie with the sleepless night and catering to them all day and night round. What the schedules helped me with was at least a couple of hours to myself during the day for “me” time ( It helped me maintain my sanity). I’ll admit that not every day was a smooth sailing one, there were several days that we went off the clock like when they started teething or had the flu and especially when we traveled. That’s not it though, as moms we have meal planning, playdates, events, doctors' appointments, date nights, and holidays too to plan.

Apart from keeping a check on their milestones, you will have to start keeping a check on their sleeping, eating, and pooping schedules too. Teaching them to sit, walk, talk, brush…the list goes on. And when you have two babies around having an organized home helps. You never know what you may need at the oddest hour.

Amongst all the chaos there are special moments too. One such crazy day was when both of them were down with the flu and needed to be comforted. All they wanted was to be cuddled. It sounds like a lovely day, doesn’t it? But even though all they needed was cuddling, there was laundry to be done, a sink full of dishes and the house was a mess. All the daily errands can be brushed off for the day but we needed to have lunch right? To put together a bowl of soup, I wore one baby in front and carried one in my arm, and got to it. Amid all the chaos, tears trickled down my cheeks…I had reached my limit. While trying to get a grip on my emotions, I looked down at Mia and smiled…she smiled back! SHE SMILED BACK!! It was for the first time that she smiled back at me. That day was tough but that adorable smile was absolutely comforting and just what I needed. As they grow up you also realize that kids don’t care about the latest toys or fancy clothes. You’d be surprised at the things that make them laugh… jumping on the bed, looking in a mirror, playing in a fort of cardboard boxes ( much like Joey), and even an innocent sneeze. There is the first time they say, mama, hold up their heads, crawl, walk or just randomly make a cute face.

A mom’s life is a challenging one but it’s filled with tons of tiny moments as such. So when you do come across such a moment, you need to pause and cherish it. This is what makes all those sleepless nights and crazy days worth it. Enjoy the little things in life.

You don’t have to please everyone.

You learn to prioritize who and what matters. As a new mom and a young mom, I had a lot of people giving me their advice and telling me how to get things done. They may have the experience, they may be older than you and probably they have raised kids of their own. With no disrespect to anyone, let me tell you no one absolutely no one will be able to guide you to the t of parenting. Each baby is different, each one is unique. What works for one will not necessarily work for the other. Listen to them and try them but you don’t have to if you don’t believe in them. You will also have several things you will have to start saying no to. No to someone feeding your 2-month-old chocolates, no to someone wanting to put your kids in front of the television, no to allowing someone to kiss your baby, and no to someone posting your baby’s picture. You will upset a few in the bargain. Then there are certain decisions that belong to only you and your partner. From piercings to religion to schools. Certain people will respect your views and certain will criticize them. You can either be a parent and do what is best for your child or please everyone and in the end, regret your choice. On this journey, you will lose a few you upset but you will gain lifelong relations with the ones that stick around. You will find your tribe.

Unconditional Love!

We all have heard of it and we all talk about it but when you hold your babies in your arms and they look into your eyes. There will be no love greater. You’d do anything for them, I can vouch for it. That love is pure, unfiltered, and in its truest form.

You can’t control everything!

Let me admit, that I have always been a control freak. I didn’t realize that until recently. Like I mentioned earlier, I had a schedule for the kids from day one ( I had made one, months before they were born!) but here is the harsh reality…you can’t stick to the schedule every day. If you are anything like me, you will understand the plight of having to adapt and not being able to stick to it. Unlike adults, kids are kids because they don’t know what they want, they can’t differentiate between nap time and dinner time or playtime. It is up to us to get them used to a schedule and help them realize when it is day or night and when it is time to play or eat. You may find it amusing but when kids are born, they don’t have a sense of time and can’t figure out the difference between night and day. You’d have a day laid out, a plan which may look like a walk through the park for most. But it is the same day that your baby may be teething and will be cranky all day and needs you to pacify her/him, and needs to be cuddled. You have to do that. As a parent, your priority is your child. We so often tend to forget that. You can’t control what your baby feels, needs, or wants at any point. You have to be there no matter what. So take it easy and accept even though you can’t control the events of the day, you can sure control how you make your child feel…loved.

Being a mom also turned me into a better cook, a pro at hide-and-go-seek, and the master of babble. Let alone the added skills of multi-tasking (pun intended) and having two-minute showers.

It has been quite a journey on the only job that doesn’t come with training. So I cross my fingers and hope that the future comes with giggles, hugs, kisses, and lots of love.